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Anxieties

Monday 5 december 2011 1 05 /12 /Dec /2011 17:47

4040982679_22a58521d9.jpgAre you exhausted, totally worn out, wondering where your energy or your enthusiasm has gone?  Are you walking around in a slump, wondering what all of the excitement of Christmas was all about? Do you want to run to your room and have a good cry because you feel misunderstood and unappreciated?  If so, you may be going through what is called the After Christmas Slump.

448780263_f77deb4f58.jpgWhat Is The After Christmas Slump?

 The Christmas hype has the majority of us shopping, regardless of whether it is on the Internet or going out to the department stores.  We have accepted within our minds that there are such things as perfect gifts and so we go out searching for them.  After paying more money than we should have, we go home with our perfect gifts wrapped and ready to put under the Christmas tree.  The problem begins on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, when our hours of labour, at shopping for perfect gifts, does not reap the joy and excitement that we expected.  We began to overgeneralize and filter in what we want to see.  That lack of  "Oh, this is just what I wanted," or that stern look of what you perceive as dissatisfaction, or the misinterpretation of a few words said by the receiver of the gift wounds our Psyche and we fall into the  After Christmas Slump or the After Christmas Depression.  "The  nobody appreciates me," song runs through our heads because the praise that we expected to receive is marred by an unintentional facial reaction or words from the receiver of the gift.

2922905313_762e48b0f6.jpg

So how do you combat the After Christmas Slump?

According to Dr. David D. Burns M.D. author of Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy, some people suffer from a cognitive distortion.  "They pick out the negative in any situation and dwell exclusively on it, thus perceiving the whole situation is negative,"[1] according to Burns.  He goes on further to state that, "When you are depressed, you wear a pair of eyeglasses with special lenses that filter out anything positive. All that you allow to enter your conscious mind is negative.  Because you are not aware of this "filtering process," you conclude that everything is negative.  The technical name for this process is "selective abstraction." It is a bad habit that can cause you to suffer much needless anguish."[2]

 

3968692507_2c559d3405.jpgThus, facing and accepting the fact that there is no perfect Christmas gift releases us from that ugly filtering process of selective abstraction in our thought life, which dictates that every thing we pick out is wrong.  So what, if your husband did not like those striped pajamas, let him go back and exchange them for something else. Or maybe your children wanted a different kind of smartphone or digital reader instead of the one you bought them.

None of these situations mean that they are not happy with you, but with your choice. Let them exchange it for the brand that they want to have.  Individuals have different tastes and different likes. Basing your happiness on the facial reactions, or disgruntled and disappointing words of those whom you have given gifts will throw you into the After Christmas slump.   

6126495943_0acbf425b5.jpgSo do not measure your self perception and self esteem on the emotional reception of the gifts you have given others and you might begin to notice that the burden on your shoulders has become lighter and your After Christmas Slump has disappeared.  

 

  

Burns, David D. M.D. (1980). Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy. New York, New York: Avon Books

(Burns, 1980 p.34)

By Pat Garcia - Posted in: Anxieties - Community: Health, Wellness & Cosmetic Surgery
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Monday 5 december 2011 1 05 /12 /Dec /2011 17:46

4446609289_5070e8bffe.jpgMillions of people are walking around in the world today, and are afraid to open their mouths and speak out their opinions in public.  Giving themselves the excuse that their opinions would not be welcomed anyway, they sit and brood at decisions that are being made, or at what others are saying, which they totally disagree with, but they are afraid to speak out against it. Sometimes, they even experience physical symptoms, like the palms of their hands becoming sweaty, and their hearts beating rapidly.  Some even fall into a depression and others experience stomach cramps, migraine headaches or vomiting.  It only takes a small incident of having someone ask them about their opinion, and they sit there with their thoughts at war in their heads, as they try to find a way to say what they are afraid to say.    

So how do we deal with the fear of speaking out? 

Many methods have been recommended from others who have received some insight into this fear of speaking out by having overcome it themselves.   Listed below are three everyday common sense rules for dealing with your fear of opening your mouth and speaking out before others.    

4446609211_cb61e06cb8.jpgIf you are giving a pep talk or a speech before an audience, for example, remember they are only people. They have come out to hear what you have to say, so be sociable and reach out.  An old saying of mine says, "A little kindness with the right choice of words can slay the meanest bears."  They may not like what you say or might not agree with it, but that is not important. The main thing is the tone used when you speak to your audience.  So enjoy them and find the right tone.

2972218833_66e2bbc789.jpgFind the courage to laugh at yourself. If you forget a sentence or word, look to your audience for help. Many times they will shout out the word to you, or if you are in a meeting, your neighbour will whisper the word softly in your ear.   Say thank you, and use the word and keep talking.  Please do not take yourself  seriously. No one expects you to pronounce every word perfectly, or not to forget a word. That happens!

2972876988_3ec317e3ef.jpgFinally, remember that you are not going to be everybody's darling when you speak out.  It is true that some people may get up and walk out, or others may sit there grimacing at you. Do not  let it scare you and make you lose your train of thought and forget what you were going to say.  In such situations, find one or two friendly faces who agree with you and concentrate on them. 

Seeking approval from others has caused many good people who had excellent ideas from speaking out. 

Ciao,

Pat Garcia

By Pat Garcia - Posted in: Anxieties - Community: Health, Wellness & Cosmetic Surgery
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Saturday 3 december 2011 6 03 /12 /Dec /2011 12:09

2628417423_d84dba87dd.jpgPublishing your own book is no easy task. It is a lot of hard work, but it can be rewarding for those who have the time, patience, marketing and financial ability and salesmanship to do what is needed to get your book recognize and on the bookshelves for people to buy.

5599092162_d844c0a5d6.jpgWith many of today's publishers accepting only books, which come through an agent, it has become very frustrating for some writers who think that they have something to say.  Thus, some writers result to self-publishing, with the hope that their book will either be recognized by a publishing company and picked up as one of their own once it is printed, or that the book will take off with sales under their own individual management.

18716892_ea23c3a63d.jpgHowever, that is seldom the case. Sure, there are plenty of publishers out there, waiting to help you  print your book, but it can be very expensive. The self-publisher very seldom addresses the marketing and financial aspects, which demand lots of creative ideas about how to market and get the recognition going for your book at bookstores or online shops. Even social media networking demand time and knowledge and self-publishing companies do very little, if any work at all,  on helping you to develop the marketing for your book. They automatically assume that you have the finance and the marketing ability to get out there and promote what you have paid them to print.  So, if you are shy and not very good at selling yourself, you need to consider:

  • Taking some kind of Sales course to improve your selling skills
  • Joining an awareness group, which concentrates on building up your self-confidence.
  • Learning the financial side of selling  

4510703748_45e674f68f.jpgIf you do not increase your skills in these areas, your book does not have much chance of taking off and will probably end up, still packed in the boxes somewhere in your basement or office.

This does not happen all the time. There are exceptions, but those exceptions do not outweigh nor outnumber the number of people who have become disgusted with self-publishing and given up writing.

So, before self-publishing, please take a good honest look at yourself and your capabilities.   Ask yourself, if you are willing to give out the energy that is needed to self publish your own book. It is not an error that the writing world is divided into writers, editors, agents and publishers.  Each one of these groups of people has a reason for existing and often the writer gives up too quickly. As a writer I know, that one of the commandments  of writing, is  perseverance and that  is a must!  

By Pat Garcia - Posted in: Anxieties - Community: Topics concerning Self-Employment & Free Lancing
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Tuesday 16 august 2011 2 16 /08 /Aug /2011 08:47

With the invention of the telephone, an era which has increased the amount of stress within society was ushered . Today's individual cannot afford to answer the question of availability with "Sorry, I don't own a mobile phone"? It is a matter of fact that job hunting as well as job employment means being available at all times. This article details out all that you need to know about the telephone.

The invention of the classical telephone was only the beginning of a revolution which increased the accessibility of people to each other. However, it has also made a major contribution to the rising stress level in people lives. Having a telephone means that you are able to be reached. Thus, people have begun to stay at home, fearing that if they go out, they will miss a phone call.

Evolution of mentality

Although primitive at first, the telephone has made enormous progress in becoming the focus in the life of almost every individual. Therefore, everyone has a mobile phone and no one would even think of going shopping without it! In fact, the mobile is so popular that even during sports activities where people intend to wind down and relax, you will find them jogging or riding their bicycles while talking on their mobiles.

An indispensable gadget

What once was a luxury item, which one received if they could afford it, has become a necessity, a must have in our society. Wherever you go, people are walking around talking on their mobiles. The need to not miss a phone call and to be available twenty-four hours around the clock has us in a permanent state of expectancy. In the area of job employment, the telephone has proved to be an enormous stress builder. It is difficult to say today, if asked to put down your mobile number when applying for a job, "Sorry, I do not have one". People at unemployment offices become upset and potential employers may look at you suspiciously.

The future of the telephone

It will be interesting to see what the future continues to bring when the whole world is connected and everyone has the opportunity to telephone all over the world, not only with their mobiles but with any social networking organisation. If you think about it, it is kind of alarming. The personal becomes unpersonal and the individual becomes a stress ball nurtured by his telephone.

Old and New
By Pat Garcia - Posted in: Anxieties
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